I believe I was like the majority of young girls, dreaming of meeting my knight in shining armor. I could have envisioned a million different scenarios in which I could have found my life now at 44 however my reality is not even close to any of the scenarios that had danced across my imagination……ever. Please realize that the following in no way is me feeling sorry for myself because I actually feel like the most fortunate woman in the world. I married my husband and father to our 3 amazing children 17 years ago 2.5 years after losing my fiancee Paul. Paul was a police officer and passed away suddenly from natural causes. My fear of ever having to experience such pain again made me extremely fearful of falling in love again. I had never felt such intense pain as I experienced when the doctor said he was gone. I remember pleading with her to “change her mind” like she herself had made the decision. That same doctor would save my life a few days later when I had made the decision that I wasn’t interested in seeing another sunrise without him. When I realized I was in love again I was scared and the only reason I didn’t hightail it out of there was because I had decided that nothing could ever be as bad as what I had already experienced, feeling as though I could get on with life taking comfort in knowing life will never hurt as bad as the past. I believed that until I found myself again in front of two doctors their words would again forever change and impact lives. Our daughter had a brain tumor, our baby girl was fighting cancer. I didn’t even know an 18-month-old child could face such a horror. Life would never be the same. Everything unbalanced again I couldn’t convince myself again that there was some unwritten rule in the universe that one person would only have to face such pain once in a lifetime.
8 years ago I would never have believed that anything positive could come out of our daughter’s battle. Today however I feel (On my part) fortunate to have experienced it. The experience provided us with the opportunity to realize what was most important in life. I am a mom, wife, and woman who hopes her experiences will in some small way to help other people struggling to understand that there will be better days and to help those trying to better understand someone else’s struggles.
I found your post on PTSD over at Jolene’s blog. It is quite weird but my first husband died and my daughter, Bethany was diagnosed with a life threatening pilocytic astrocytoma when she was 2. She’s now almost 17 and has multiple disabilities because of that monster. I understand where you’re coming from!
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Monster is a word I commonly use to describe cancer. I hope your daughter has more days of smiles then not. Olivia smiles more then she is in pain and for that I am greatful. Please feel free to tell us more about your daughter. I want people to come here as a way to feel less alone. Hugs
Kim
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Unfortunately, Bethany suffered a brain injury and stroke that cause multiple disabilities. She has suffered with an uncontrollable seizure disorder, developmental delays, and aggressive behavior for 15 years. She rarely feels good. I invite you to visit my blog and you tube channel for more info. http://faithfulmomof9.com and
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKdq6ZhTQa9l17yV7B6OiVw
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I hope you will follow the blog as I try to make it into something that may help others.
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do you have a follow by email option?
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I think it is all set for follow by email. I got help with it today.
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