I don’t often write two blogs in a day but in less than a five minute period I learned of three children whose parents belong to support groups I belong to who passed away today. My heart breaks for them and at the same time I feel like I can no longer hold this in, that it comes up over and over again so I am going to say the words that many parents want to say. How many times have you heard “Don’t go to bed angry” honestly I don’t remember the last time I wasn’t angry!  I am not mad at my truly supportive husband or my children I am mad at this Monster that you can’t see. This monster that we recognize with different colour ribbons.  Perhaps it’s wrong to say but I am sick of ribbon’s! Ribbon’s belong in little girls hair not engraved on headstones why ribbons? I hate that this monster keeps stealing away the futures of these children.  I know people think that when a child is no longer in treatment that the battle is won.  No you see the battle rages on for the rest of their life. MRI’s every four months, six months then yearly to ensure the monster hasn’t circled back, but then there are the Late effects. While most girls dream of having children; cancer or the out of date adult chemo therapies will have stolen many of those dreams as well, they will spend the rest of their life worrying about the various other cancers that can show up to knock them down just as they are starting to enjoy life. Like it is daring you to let your guard down. Our daughter she should be enjoying the efforts of how hard she fought, she and so many other children should never so much as have to feel the pain of a sliver because they have felt so much already.  I am mad that so many people choose to up and dissapear because it is to uncomfortable to be around a family going through this.  I know I am not alone most families lose friends and family and when some of these children don’t make it I have to wonder do those people saunter back into their lives like they have been away on vacation? what do they say? Do they throw a few dollars at a charity in the child’s name and that makes it all better.  I can say hate I hate people who do this because you are in fact saying “My comfort is more important than being their at a time when you needed it the most” I know some maybe saying “well if it is that uncomfortable you don’t want them to be around” I am not talking about being around picking up the phone at 2 am when a parent calls like a few good friends we have” I mean for some of these families loved ones may as well have died themselves because even if you wanted to contact them you wouldn’t know where to start. Imagine one day they are in your life and the next nothing. why would you want someone in your life who can’t be there for you when you need them most? because more often then not it is family or friends that have been their your entire life Now not only do you not recognize life some of the key people have vanished from it. Every family craves normalcy.  You see a mom and dad with their children, they have no idea the true pain life can bring they are more concerned with fancy cars, fancy houses and their trips than anything else and  your jealous, not for the material things for the ignorance, to be back at a time in life when you were not aware of the pain that gnaws away at you each time your child cries them self to sleep.  Guilt because no matter how much you tell yourself otherwise you will always wonder if the monster chose your child because you somehow brought the beast to them. Perhaps people should run the other way just as they would any other monster.  I guess that is why my child and other peoples children are fighting this monster because our children are strong, their mother’s, fathers, brothers and sisters are strong but if you truly believe that you are protected because you run the other way and say “I could never handle that” then honestly I feel sorry for you but at the same time I say “Put on your big people pants and suck it up buttercups” Living in your tower of ignorance, because you are running away from the most incredible children, children that could teach you more in a few days than you could teach in a lifetime. They and their families face the world with more courage and more eagerness to see the world change then any politician.  If this is you have no fear they will get through it regardless of the outcome without you!  why? because they have no choice walking away for them is not an option.  You have this chance of being involved in this child’s life regardless of how long that is and you should feel honored.  You have to be willing weather it be the day they beat all odds and welcome their own child or the day they are called to heaven to accept and admit “You couldn’t handle it” because if not the only person you will be fooling is yourself.